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My "Brother Complex" 我的「哥哥情結」

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I Have a Brother Now! 我有哥哥了!



Just as I have shared in The Story of My Father, I was separated from my mother and started living alone with my father in a remote small town in Sichuan Province, China, when I was 4 years old . Life was very hard in that barren place. Although I was as little as only 4, I needed to walk to the kindergarten on foot myself everyday. 

正如我在《我的父親》這篇文章中所寫到的那樣,我從四歲起便被迫與母親分離,跟著被發配到邊遠小鎮的父親一起討生活。雖然只有四歲,但我每天都必須自己步行半個多小時,到小鎮裏唯一的幼兒園上學。

It was a 30 minute walk; and could become extremely challenging on rainy and windy days. We didn’t have umbrellas or rain coats then, and only had straw hats to cover our heads and  protect us from the rain. And rainy and windy days were so numerous! Plus, wind always came together with heavy rain. I remember having to run after my straw hat in tears all the time, as it was always blown away by the wind.

小鎮坐落在兩座山之間,烈烈的山風冷冷地刮來時,幾乎要把我吹跑。下雨的日子裏,僅有的雨具——頭上的草帽——更是屢屢被掀掉,讓我哭著喊著在後面跑著追。

And it was also so cold! The only comfort on those days was the pocket of a “brother” who was our neighbor and lived next door. He was taller and older than me; and his trouser pockets were exactly at the right height for me to put one of my hands inside comfortably on those rainy and windy days. Apart from keeping my hand warm, his pocket also helped to prevent me from being blown away by the strong wind, as I could try my best to “stick” with him with my little hand grasping his pocket.

在那些冷冷的日子裏,唯一的溫暖和安慰就是隔壁家大哥哥的口袋。他褲子上的口袋剛好跟我的肩膀差不多一樣高,如果運氣好,趕上能跟他一起去上學時,在風大雨大的天氣裏,我就會把自己的小手放到他的口袋裡取取暖。更要緊的是,當大風刮來時,我可以死死抓住他的口袋,免得被風吹跑。

From then on I always wanted to have a real brother,  who could offer me a “pocket” when I was too cold and was about to be blown away by the wind.

從那時起,我就時常盼望能有個真的哥哥——一個能護著我,給我安全感的大哥哥。

After so many years, I think now I have finally found one! How grateful, how lucky! Thank you so much, my dear brother, for everything!

幾十年都過去了,這好像真的遇到一個哎!一位有既有俠義之風,又有詩人之心,會半夜起來讀著我的故事,爲我心痛到流淚的長者。雖然他的年齡做我的叔叔也勉強可以,但他不讓我用「您」來稱呼他。想起自己小時候的那個「哥哥情結」,這便就在他這裏,圓了這個「哥哥夢」吧?

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